If you were to ask me who I am, I would hesitate. Not because I don’t have an answer, but because I have too many answers. I’m a collection of identities that seem to shift depending on the day, the mood, or even the season.
There’s one version of me who craves the serenity of nature, hiking through lush forests, getting lost in the quiet of a remote cabin, and finding peace in the rhythm of the ocean waves. I find solace in poetry, too – words that flow like water, each line feeling like a quiet reflection of my thoughts, my hopes, my fears. This side of me is gentle, introspective, and connected to the earth. It’s the version of me that wants to disconnect from the digital noise and immerse myself in the simplicity of life.
Then, there’s the other side of me. The one that thrives on the eerie and the macabre, the lover of horror films, dark aesthetics, and everything that’s a little bit unsettling. I’m drawn to the thrill of a good scare, the visceral tension of a game that makes my heart race, and the adrenaline of an ominous story that keeps me awake at night. This version of me revels in the shadowy side of life, finding beauty in the things others might call disturbing. I find power in embracing the darkness, in confronting the things that make me uncomfortable and learning from them.
But here’s the thing: these two sides of me don’t always seem to fit together. One moment, I’m writing a poem about the quiet beauty of a sunset, and the next, I’m diving into a game with creepy, unsettling landscapes that evoke dread in every corner. I struggle to reconcile the part of me that seeks peace in nature with the part that finds joy in things that others might find a little… offbeat.
And this struggle, this internal tension, often leaves me questioning: Who am I really?
The Battle for a Single Identity
In a world that loves to put people in neat little boxes, I’ve often felt like I don’t quite belong anywhere. The nature-loving, poetic side of me seems at odds with the dark, horror-obsessed, game-loving side. And there’s pressure to pick a lane – to be one thing or another. Maybe that’s why I’ve spent so much time trying to define myself, trying to figure out where I fit. But every time I think I’ve found the answer, it shifts again.
Am I supposed to be the person who wakes up early to watch the sunrise over a mountain, or the one who stays up late playing a game with a story so twisted it makes your skin crawl? Am I supposed to be the one who writes gentle, heartfelt verses about nature, or the one who revels in the eerie beauty of horror’s darkest corners? The more I try to pin down an identity, the more I realize how fluid and multi-faceted I am.
The Beauty of Embracing Multiple Versions of Myself
The truth is, I’ll never be just one thing. And I’m starting to be okay with that.
What if instead of fighting these different sides of me, I embraced them? What if these contrasting identities weren’t contradictions, but rather parts of a whole that make me who I am? I think we often get caught up in the idea that we need to fit into a certain mold, but maybe our identities are meant to be messy, multifaceted, and fluid. Maybe they’re meant to shift with time, experience, and change.
What’s so wrong with being someone who finds peace in nature and beauty in horror? Someone who writes poetry about sunsets, but also enjoys the thrill of a boxing fight, or the rush of a well-crafted game that keeps them up until the early hours of the morning? Maybe it’s not about choosing one identity over the other, but about letting them coexist and shape each other.
I’ve realized that I am not just one version of me. I’m all of them. The nature lover. The poet. The writer. The gamer. The traveller. The mental health advocate. The horror enthusiast. And maybe, just maybe, the tension between these versions of me is what makes me whole.
Embracing the Complexity of Identity
In the end, identity doesn’t have to be a fixed concept. It can be as layered, complex, and shifting as life itself. The nature-loving side of me doesn’t cancel out the darker, more intense parts of my personality – it complements them. They make me whole, as contradictory and complex as that might be. And I’m learning to stop trying to fit neatly into one box. Maybe it’s not about defining myself once and for all, but about embracing the fluidity of who I am at any given moment.
So, here’s to the many versions of me. To the quiet, contemplative side and the bold, adventurous one. To the moments when I’m lost in nature’s embrace, and the ones when I’m diving headfirst into something dark and immersive…gaming, writing, Film & TV. All of it is me and that’s enough.
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